I'm so excited. The Franchise is driving my vintage white zin car this weekend.
For years, I have whined and whimpered that my favorite vintage white zinfandel label — Beringer — should sponsor a NASCAR car. And — OMG — it does! The Franchise (aka David Reutimann) is driving it in this week's Nationwide race. I got so excited when I found out, I deleted the very important document I was s'posed to be working on at work.

Why the people who pay me don't understand that there is NOTHING more important than NASCAR on Thursdays and Fridays is beyond me. I work hard Tuesday afternoon and almost all day on Wednesdays, so I don't get why they don't like it when I'm online Thursdays and Fridays, getting updates on NASCAR. I was very clear in the last meeting we had to discuss my job performance, that my job performance is pretty much based on how my drivers are doing in NASCAR. And that means I must monitor NASCAR on a regular basis. The little notes they put in my "file" that called my NASCAR time "wasted" time were uncalled for. Whatever.

Anyway, I am a new and devoted fan of The Franchise, Mr. Reutimann. I woulda been a fan earlier, but I couldn't ever remember how to spell his name, so when he decided to call himself The Franchise, I loved it. That's somethin' I can spell.

David is The Franchise for Michael Waltrip Racing, which needs a good franchise star, I'm thinkin.' I no longer hold a grudge against Mikey for saying not-nice-things about Dale.

Earnhardt Jr. when they both, unfortunately, worked for witchy ole Teresa Earnhardt. If I'da had to work for the sports witchiest woman, I'da prob'ly been a little testy myownself.
The Franchise is a dude. He doesn't have the corporate good looks of a Jimmie Johnson or Jeff Gordon and he doesn't have the scruffy appeal of a Dale Junior, but he's just a cute little bugger, donchathink? He needs a good hairstylist (not to be mean, cuz I'm not, at least when it comes to The Franchise, but whoever's been cuttin' his hair with dull grass clippers needs to go), but bad hair hasn't affected his ability to drive a race car. Shoot, I was rootin' for Reutimann in Vegas and he came in fourth. Least, that's what I heard. I left before the end of the race so's I wouldn't have to see the arrogant and insufferable Kyle Busch take the checkers. I have my principles, ya know. And on principle, I don't like Boo-hoo.

I'd buy stock in Beringer if I had any money to buy stock. People who never heard or cared about Beringer are gonna sit up and take notice once The Franchise starts driving its car.

Wonder if The Franchise will do commercials for Beringer? Not quite sure ole Dave holding a glass of merlot or Chablis will be believable, though. The Franchise doesn't seem to be a wine guy, but then, we're talkin' Beringer — the wine for everyone. The wine of NASCAR. The wine that fuels NASCAR. The Beringer buzz that will sweep the haulers, but only after work and when no one's driving. Drinking responsibly is important. For reals. Maybe Beringer and Amp - the adult beverage for NASCAR. Ampber, the next color of NASCAR. Then we could get Junior and The Franchise offer wine tastings where everyone's Amped up and in good spirits. Woo-hoo!

The Franchise is gonna be in The Chase this year and is gonna surprise everyone with his record. Madam Swami predicts The Franchise will be 10th in points for The Chase and will end the year in fifth place. The Franchise may look a little goofy in a penguin suit, but maybe he'll get a hairstylist and lose his Goober look.

As I write this, The Franchise just took the pole position during qualifying. I am amped myownself. This is way cool. This is awesome. This is the bomb! If The Franchise starts from the pole in Texas, I'm gonna buy me a Texas sized wine glass and fill it full of Beringer. The vintage kind. The really good year of 1998.

Speaking of really good years, I must share a personal note. Not that you care, but you should. My Perfect Child was born 34 years ago this day (April 4). He was an immaculate exception, which makes him even more special. He is everything a Perfect Child should be, except a father, which would make me a grandmother, which would make me very, very happy. The perfect "giving birth to the Perfect Child" gift to me would be the announcement of impending grandmotherhood. Will it happen? No. But if it did, and the Perfect Grandchild was a boy, doya think they'd call him The Franchise?
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